Self Inquiry

I haven't written much over the past few months.There is so much to read and i love reading what people have written on self inquiry,non duality,discovering self.
I read this today from J.Krishamurti
"One has never asked: ``Can I be a light to myself - not the light of someone else, the light of Jesus or the Buddha?'' Can one be a light to oneself? Which means that there is no shadow, for to be a light to oneself means it is never put out by any artificial means, by circumstances, by sorrow, by accident. Can one be that to oneself? One can be that to oneself only when one's mind has no challenge because it is so fully awake."
In the beginning i never really thought about who i really was.Just went with the flow of thoughts and circumstances and what was happening at the time.Later on i felt that i didn't know who i was and i needed someone to tell me and guide me into discovering this.This of course was based on the assumption that others knew and i didn't.
This quote just brought to light how much i have often felt that other people/circumstances/situations had a better and right definition of who i really i am than i did.

can i be a light to myself?

Self Inquiry

I have concepts i realize now, of how i think life should be.What it should or shouldn't have and what it should or shouldn't be.I hold on to these concepts so dearly because then without them i would have absolutely no clue of what is happening or going to happen or even happened.....
The question is though....did i have any clue to begin with?These concepts/beliefs i have about how things should be,are they true?does it even matter?
Life in its real essence cannot be conceptualized.Existance and the unfolding of experience cannot be fully explained with the mind and the concepts just keep changing with time and then slowly it starts to feel like ideas just popping up and THIS witnessing the whole show.
Isn't it amazing how everyting just unfolds.....Its so amazing yet it almost goes un noticed...

Justise

I was reading an article on a local magazine about fairness and it really resonated on how many times i try to evaluate situations based on my justise system.However reality does not comply with this justise system.
And so there is a push and pull on how things should be this way or that way,how unfair or fair something ought to be and the mind goes on and on......and yet life continues the sun still shines and when its time for evening to come the moon appears.I see now that the struggle is only apparent in my thoughts,the confusion is only apparent in my beliefs.I question now if these beliefs are really true.I love Byron Katie's description on reality and Loving what is.
Looking at reality from a point of observation rather than judgement allows me to see it for what it really is and not what my conditioned mind and beliefs thinks it should be and there i find the real beauty of what is showing up in my life.

Nature

We have this guy who comes to tend to our plants every two days and he really loves what he does and is really good with plants.He asked me how many times i noticed the plant that is right next to my desk each time i come in the morning.....Now,i know i have i have a plant next to my desk but do i ever take time just to notice if the leaves are still green or its drying up?.....
He even mentioned that my mood in many ways is actually reflected on the plant in the essence that when i am in a good mood it tends to blossom and mature and when i was in a bad mood maybe i'd notice the leaves drying up...
All this just had me wondering how much of reality i miss out when stuck in my mind on how things should apparently be......All there is is right here and its beautiful and clear for me to see and enjoy.
Nature's beauty and bounty shines each and every moment calling me to marvel at its wonder

Who I am I?

Someone posed this question at me...

What is it that wants to understand how to perceive oneself?

I have read it so many times but this time round when i sat back and asked myself again there was only a blank space.What and who is it that always wants to understand everthing?
who and what is it that plans,analyses,evaluates, decides and executes?who is it really that does all these things.

I often thought that i control my own actions but now i find myself asking me as who?who i am i?
Thoughts come and thoughts go....one reaction occurs after the other.Sometimes there is a feeling of happiness sometimes sadness sometimes anger sometimes excitement.Sometimes i react sometimes i don't....

There seems to be a reason for all these yet at the same time it feels like there is no reason.
I continue to contemplate on this I that i am.

Finding self

So finally i have decided to create a space where i can write down my thoughts.I have never been much of a writer and i don't even know why this whole blog thing seems like a good thing to do right now but i guess i am doing it anyway......
I really don't know when this all started...was there a beginning realy?Maybe just a realization that i am looking......I have been searching...and what is this i have been looking for?so the journey begins to a place i have come to learn i never left.